Recently, I have been contemplating my walk with Jesus and how my journey has changed over the past few years. I decided that there was a turning point a few summers ago when I felt called to take a month “off” from ministry. Prior to that month, I had been very involved in creating a college ministry, leading in a different college ministry, doing youth coaching at my church, doing anything and everything that was asked of me, and just getting burnt out in general. Half way through the month, I took time to just sit with God in a beautiful place in Springfield where wildflowers covered the landscape around me. While I sat there along a path, I read the book of Hosea, because it often brings encouragement to me. As I was reading it, I realized it was writted exactly for me. I immediately took up my pen and journal and rewrote the second chapter to fit the condition of my heart. Here is what I dug up in old journals:
2 I rebuke you, for I am no longer your husband and you are no longer my wife. Remove the busyness from your life and your unfaithful wandering from the path I have set out for you.
3 Otherwise, I will strip away all the “things” and tasks on your to do list. I will make you as bare as the day you first met me – obligation free and immature spiritually. I will turn your heart into a desert and your soul into a parched land. Maybe then you will thirst for me and my will instead of you and yours.
4. I will not bless the “ministry” you are doing because I never asked you to serve in them. I desire great things, not good things.
5 You have been unfaithful and started these things in disgrace, apart from me. You have busied yourself by running after these things for fulfillment. You thought they would provide what you needed.
6 Because of this, I will block your path with thorn bushes; I will put a wall around you so that you have to seek me before you will reach the wildflowers of my love
7 You will try to remain busy, but busyness will not come. You will look for things to do, but come up with nothing every time.
Then you will finally say, “I will go back to my husband, the pursuer of my heart, for I am better off with Him than I am on my own.”
8 You never acknowledged that I was the one that gave you every second of breath, every minute of life. Then you took my gift to you and used it for your own purposes. You took the gift I gave to be used for me and unwisely sought your own desires with it.
9 Therefore, I will take all of your time. I will re-stake my claims on the precious gift I entrusted to you. We will re-start from scratch.
10 So now I will expose your ritualistic life that you have created where you go about doing things for the sake of doing them to all of those whom you lead. No one will be able to pluck you out of my hand this time.
11 I will stop your daily planned out schedule filled with good things and not much greatness.
12 I will remove affirmation from those whom you serve, which you say is your pay from your lovers – those who have stolen you away from me. I will allow others to receive affirmation in your presence and for you to be overlooked.
13 I will punish you for the days you chased after doing; for the days you lost focus of the One who all the doing is for. You “did” all these things, but you forgot me.
14 Therefore, I am going to allure you. I will join you in that desert place where your heart is and speak tenderly to you there.
15 There, I will give you back your schedule after you understand the freedom that I give you to life. I will make the dark valley of your heart into a high mountain that shines my love to the world. There you will sing as in the days of your youth when you had no care in the world, you simply loved me.
16 In that day, you will let me pursue you again. You will call me husband instead of slave-driving master.
17 I will remove your busyness and give you the ability to turn an opportunity down when it is not from me. I will give you greatness instead of goodness.
18 I am making a covenant with you today – I will not allow these beasts to prey upon your heart any more. You will serve me in safety, knowing that I have made your heart a beautiful dwelling that is protected from evil men who wish to use you. Rest, my love, for I have your heart.
19 I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in faithfulness and you will acknowledge me as Lord and Lover of your soul.
This was written in July of 2008. My heart is longing to be allured into the desert once again. I think for different reasons this time, as I have not got crazy-involved and spread thin as I did back at the time of this writing. I think I am just longing to be embraced by the original Lover of my Soul. Perhaps another rest period is in store for my life. Perhaps just more of an awareness of God’s presence with me as I walk. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like something is stirring, and I am excited about it.
What is God stirring in you right now?
Amber,
I have felt the same stirring within my own soul. My own walk with God has taken some really fascinating turns the past few years, but I think I had neglected to allow myself to be vulnerable. I am regaining that sense, and I am overwhelmed by it.
I am so excited to have these conversations with you soon. Let’s save it for then.
Tyler