A few posts ago, I mentioned that we are part of a “house church” that meets at our apartment once a week. The book we are reading encourages us to do experiments to create space for spiritual growth. It has lots of examples of different things the author participated in that were foundational for him. One thing that was discussed was practicing silence. As a result, I decided to venture into what effect silence could have on my journey. Here are my thoughts after a week of 20 minutes a day of quietness…
At the beginning, it felt like 20 minutes was a very long time to sit in silence. What am I suppose to do with this time? Do I just sit here and hope something supernatural happens? I am naturally not good at being still. One of my strengths is the ability to get things done, so I am constantly doing and going and working on something. Stilling myself is not an easy task.
A lot of meditation stuff that I have read has encouraged the practice of silence. The experts give a lot of techniques to make it possible such as focus on your breathing, say breath prayers, think of your thoughts as sailboats floating by and let them go, don’t hold onto them, etc. All of that stuff came to mind as I sat in silence each day.
On about the third day, I realized I would get a lot more out of this practice if I focused on something specific. Something about the character of God, a trait that I need to work on, praise, anything besides the blank wall in front of me or the back of my eyelids. So, I grabbed a Bible and scoured it for some special word to focus on. I came up with the phrase “Jehovah Jireh” or “Our God Provides.” Abraham names the place where he almost sacrificed his son this after God provided a ram in the place of the boy.
The idea of God’s provision is something that I struggle with. Especially financially. For some reason I think I can do a better job than God, as if I have it figured out. You would think that I would trust in God’s provision after so many times of cutting it close and still getting by, but I struggle with it anew every time. With grad school starting (praise God we don’t have the expense of paying for it!) and a delay in pay from our GA positions, now is one of those times when I question God’s provision.
So, I focused on Jehovah Jireh during my 20 minutes each day. I made that my breath prayer. Inhale – Jehovah, exhale – Jireh. The craziest thing happened after a few days. I actually started believing it. I had peace when I looked at how much we needed to pay for our books and parking pass and last minute expenses. I knew it was going to work out, because our God is big and He was going to take care of us just like He always does. My bank account didn’t multiply because I was trusting in provision, but my heart and mind felt more at ease about it than ever, and that makes a big difference.
So, Jehovah Jireh to you today. God will provide for your every need. Rest in that. I know I do.
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